On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
