hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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