I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
