New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm getting married
To pizza
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
