Say something about gay babies.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
