After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
