i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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