I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
