Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
