we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
