2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
