Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
