Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
3pm strippers are depressing
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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