i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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