using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
