Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
