Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
