I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
