using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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