in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
