Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
