NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
