there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
