I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
