You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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