Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize