Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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