we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
