My brain says no but my pants say off.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize