I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
