i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
