I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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