I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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