i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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