Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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