It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
