Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
