You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
