You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
