I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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