i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
