Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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