Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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