I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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