my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
