just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
