It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
