did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize