his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
