We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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