I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My dick has a subreddit
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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