I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
