We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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