I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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