how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
