Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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