just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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