did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Semen is not good for contacts.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
