Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
