Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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