Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
