some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
