she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
