Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
