Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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