May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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