No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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