Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
