Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
