turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
