I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
