Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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