id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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