he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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