I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
