I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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