My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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