he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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