That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
