he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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