I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
